Posted by: Kathy White | September 30, 2010

Sarah Palin Love and Truth

  1. Todd and Sarah Palin met at a high school basketball game. When she first saw him, she whispered to herself “Thank you, God. — Really? That was her first thought? Have you seen him? Did she see a porn video right before that?
  2. In her book Going Rogue, Palin insists that she was manipulated into doing the famous Katie Couric interviews by Nicole Wallace, a communications aide for the campaign, and that Couric was just interested in catching Palin in a “gotcha” moment. — If there had been just ONE gotcha moment, that might be true. Watch it. There are about a thousand of them. None of those make sense from her.
  3. Palin was known as “Sarah Barracuda” on her high school basketball team because of her ferociousness on the court. She was also the co-caption of the 1982 State Championship basketball team and a member of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. — I was also in Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Guess what, they let anybody in. And Barracuda? Really? Seen the pictures? She is no more barracuda than I am straight.
  4. Palin’s parents, Chuck and Sally Heath, were a high school science teacher and school secretary, respectively. Her father also worked as a hunting and fishing guide and a bartender as well as for the Alaskan Railroad to make ends meet — And we can also deduce they had no time for their weird daughter, except when dropping her from a helicopter to shoot things.
  5. While attending the University of Hawaii-Hilo, Sarah tried marijuana and didn’t like it. “I can’t claim a Bill Clinton and say I never inhaled.”– Too bad. That just means you’re weird.
  6. When Sarah and Todd eloped on August 20th, 1988, they forgot to bring witnesses, so they went next door to a nursing home and brought back two people, one in a wheelchair and one using a walker. Eight months later on April 20, 1989, their first son, Track, was born — Draw your own conclusion. No, really. Figure it out.
  7. Track was named after Palin’s favorite spring activity, running track. Sarah joked that if he had born during basketball season, she would have named him “Hoops.”— Imagine if he had been born during curling season. “Hey, Curly, get that will ya?” Oh, and insert your own 3 stooges joke here.
  8. Palin and five of her friends formed an exercise group called the “Elite Six.” During the 1990s, they would perform aerobics as a group at the Alaska State Fair in exchange for free parking and food. — And probably other things. I mean, does Elite Six not sound like something that provides “other” services?
  9. When Sarah was helping with Todd’s commercial fishing business in 1993, she failed to register as a gillnet permit holder and pleaded “no contest.” The violation was inadvertently registered as a felony. — Inadvertently? She can’t be president. It’s a felony. It’s a damn fish.
  10. During the 2008 presidential campaign, Palin was the second female vice presidential candidate (after Geraldine Ferraro in 1984) and the first Alaskan on a national ticket. She was also the first female vice presidential nominee of the Republican Party. — And the first to actually blow up a Republican party nomination while serving her own purposes. Nice. John McCain loves her right about now.
  11. Palin attended five colleges in six years before graduating from the University of Idaho-Moscow in 1987 with a Bachelors degree in communications-journalism. She began her college education at Hawaii Pacific University and subsequently transferred to North Idaho College, the University of Idaho, and Matanuska-Susitna College — Anybody else follow that? Did she do anything?
  12. Palin won the Miss Wasilla pageant and finished third in the Miss Alaska pageant in 1984
  13. Palin won the Miss Wasilla pageant in 1984 and placed second in the Miss Alaska pageant, where she won the “Miss Congeniality” award and a college scholarship. From what I read, she is NO Ms. Congeniality. She’s a bitch unless the spotlight is on her. Soooo let’s go over this again…
  14. During her first term as mayor, Palin would keep a jar with all the names of the citizens of Wasilla on papers. Each week, she would pick a name and call the person and ask, “How is the city doing?. — Bad part, they said “Who are you?
  15. Palin was Alaska’s first female governor and the youngest (age 42) governor in Alaskan history. — And the best part? She probably did that all by herself.
  16. In 2007, polls indicated a 93% and 89% approval rating for Palin as governor. In 2009, her approval rating was at 54%. — In 2010 that went to 30% and they were convinced she was a lesbian. Good luck!
  17. In 2007, Palin supported a policy that would allow wolves to be hunted from the air and that a bounty of $150 per wolf would be paid. The bounty was later declared illegal. — NO SHIT.
  18. Publisher HarperCollins said that Going Rogue sold 300,000 copies its first day, making it one of the best openings ever for a nonfiction book. In 2004, Bill Clinton’s book, My Life, debuted at 400,000 copies. The year before, Hillary Clinton’s Living History started at 200,000. Going Rogue is poised to make Palin millions. — And make her a laughing —- wait for it — STALK. Really? Read it? Damn it…
  19. While mayor in 1996, Palin asked Wasilla librarian Mary Ellen Emmons if she would approve of censoring books if she were asked to do so. A few weeks after Emmons replied with “Definitely not,” she received a termination letter from Palin. — She also said that she must burn anything from James Baldwin, Armistead Maulpin, Oscar Wilde, and, well, anything gay.
  20. In an 2008 interview with the conservative newspaper Newsmax, Palin disputes the notion that humans are completely responsible for the global warming crisis. — And she can see Alaska from her front porch. Oh, wait, Russia. Oh, wait, polar bear who’d like more ice. Whatever.
  21. While she was mayor, the town of Wasilla charged rape victims and/or their insurance companies for rape kits. Former State Rep. Eric Croft reports that the only ongoing resistance to a bill that provided free rape kits was from Wasilla while Palin was mayor from 1996-2002. — Hey, you get raped? Look how you are dressed. Asking for it. And you should pay… well, you should pay just the same. Duh.
  22. While she was pregnant with daughter Willow, Palin dressed as a pregnant Jane Fonda for Halloween –Do I need this joke?
  23. Palin is a member of Feminists For Life (FFL) an anti-abortion, pro-contraception organization. — Wait, pro contraception? Bristol didn’t get that memo?
  24. During the governor’s race, Palin was the only candidate who said that creationism should be discussed in school alongside evolution.– Nope. Scientists are right, just deal with it.
  25. Palin is a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association (NRA). — She shouldn’t have gun, ever.
  26. Palin supports capital punishment. — Only if we’re killing, uhm, wait… family?

I’m sure Sarah is a fine person. I just don’t want her as my president, or a senate person, or, well, anything that might have control over my life. Stay in Alaska. They seem to like you there — or not.

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