Posted by: Kathy White | August 26, 2010

Job Hunting for the Hilarious

Job hunting: Besides going to the dentist, I can’t imagine a more painful way to spend time. You have to sell yourself, I mean really sell yourself. And then when you get rejected for a job, it’s hard not to take it personally. Recently I was up for a job where I had contracted before — very successfully and with high recommendations — but I wasn’t good enough for the latest contract and I don’t why. I’m afraid to ask. I’m chalking it up to price point, but I could be wrong. Maybe this person, who I worked with only a little bit, didn’t like me. Thinking about it could drive me crazy.

So here I go again, off to find work. And for my own amusement, I’m once again on Craig’s List (and not on the Adult section, mind you). Just wonder what, in this economy, I can do to make money. Frightening as it is, here’s the real deal with headlines as found them on the list:

In-Store rep for holistic Pet food — That’s specific. What if I only have experience in non-holistic pet food but it’s all about golden retrievers?

Medical Catheter Manufacturing — Uhm. No.

Corporate Chauffeur: Provide professional service for high-end corporate clientele and celebrities. — OK. I could totally do this. Think of the stories I could write about! Now that’d be a blog. Where do I sign up?

House Manager for 3 DD women in Lovely SM Home — I know what DD means, but do you guys know what that means? Nope. Not that.

Artisan Baker needed: Dubai — This seems like a long way to commute. Private jet included?

Pre-K and Preschool Teacher — If I had kids, I’m pretty sure this is NOT the way I’d want their teacher found. So, how did you find this job? Craigslist. RUN.

Luscious n Duke Salon — Because the name of this place should say it all. No need to even tell ya what the job would be. Let’s face it, if you love the name, do you care what the job is?

Armed Security Officers — Bring your own gun. And uniform. And if you have a felony conviction, let us know. Oh, and can you work nights in a big, scary place? Great.

LEGO Engineering Instructor, http://www.play-well.org I had to open this one up to be sure but, yes, if you liked playing with LEGOs as a kid and turned in to an engineer, this is for you. Hilarious. It proves there are jobs for everyone. There’s even a picture:

LEGO King

Because there really is a job for everyone.

Styling Station — If you have no ability to actually style, well then, you can just be the station. Come on over here.

Food Runner Needed — I have a visual and it just makes me laugh. Please put on this tomato costume.

Graphic Designer Wanted At An Exciting Start Up — Nope, sorry. Looking for the boring startup. Next, please.

Strategist — Oh, I’m SO qualified. I can talk strategy all day long. I’ve worked in corporate America!

All right, that’s all the stomach giggles I can take. Seriously, if you have any job ideas for an out-of-work editor, writer, content strategist and Web manager, let me know. Otherwise, I’m going to try for the chauffer job — as soon as my ankle is healed and I can drive.

Happy hunting…

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Responses

  1. I’ve seen some funny job descriptions in my day. I’ve applied, and interviewed, for more than you could imagine. I’ve lied my ass off, blown off showing up the first day(a personal challenge of some sort) never taken it personal, gone to one job at 8 AM and had another one by 3 PM. I’ve been threatened with guns, had a pregnancy scare, more stitches and fractured bones than I care to think about and still think of myself as a good employee.
    So what kind of opening was ya all hiren for?


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