Posted by: Kathy White | July 21, 2010

Pondering Away

Sitting and staring out has a rather calming affect — except when you’re desperate to be out there and not stuck in here. But, alas, I am. So, here’s my latest on life as I know it.

I’m stealing part of these and making up others. Enjoy.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. And in San Francisco, sometimes even the quick end up dead anyway. Thanks, Muni!

Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. And since I don’t see myself as particularly healthy, perhaps that means I’ve landed on the fast track.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. May my rut never reach 6 feet in depth. Or at least not any time soon.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? However, what we do see, as YouTube has proven, is WAY WAY more disturbing than any UFO sighting. Please, people, keep your pants on, don’t sing if you don’t have the talent for it, and leave your poor cat alone.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.  It also doesn’t care what the weather man says. Or what the “norm” should be for this time of year or season. And it certainly doesn’t answer prayers (like those who have weddings planned outside or whatever).

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. In both cases, the world was still weird but my preference would be to just leave it that way and deal. What the hell is normal anyway?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Or better yet, who the hell forgot to pack the lighter? That’d take care of the forest AND the camp fire.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?’ I’m guessing he was drunk, went out cow tipping to start with and when he got it tipped over decided he was thirsty and these looked like possibilities. Go ahead and imagine what came next.

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? And why bother wearing that pointless little cover they give you when they’re going to be groping and examining pretty much all of you anyway? I say let it all hang out and get it done as quickly as possible.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? No, of course not. But it certainly is a stress reliever as you stand there for an eternity waiting for it to arrive. What else are you gonna do? Oh, right. Look up and follow what floor it’s on — and realize it’s still 40 away from you. Push that damn button again.

Special thanks to Rebecca Jehorek who sent ideas. Enjoy Hump day.

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Responses

  1. Another great one!


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