Posted by: Kathy White | July 20, 2010

What are the qualifications? Job Hunting Hilarity

Ah, the job market. What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon — was busy taking a gander through Craigslist jobs listings for work, just for grins and giggles. Thought I’d share some ones I found funny —  particularly when I imagined myself in these jobs. Feel free to apply, if you think you can handle it:

  • Assistant Manager Hardware Store — You want a sprocket or a socket? Uhm. Like I know the difference. Yeah, me in retail. “Don’t get smart with me. I’m trying to help you, asshole.”
  • EXPERIENCED Multi-Family Regional Manager — Just like garbage folks are now sanitation managers, I guess they have a whole new name for apartment managers, too. Me: “Your hot water heater is busted? Do you know what time it is? Look. I’ve only been in bed like 15 minutes at this point so, despite the flooding, you’ll have to just suck it up until I’ve had some shut-eye.” Tenant: “What??? But we’re under water down here.” “Lifejackets. I’d suggest lifejackets.” Hmm. Better keep looking.
  • Location Operator — Depends on the location? This one just made me open it because, well, what the hell is a location operator? Turns out, you’re working for Avis. Again, retail probably not the best place for me. Makes me think of the Seinfeld episode where he has no car despite having a reservation. “You do know what the definition of a reservation is, right?”
  • Optoelectronics Research Manager/Director — Responsibilities: Validate and optimize LED electrical, thermal and optical operating parameters to meet product marketing requirements document (MRD). Huh? Does it turn on when it should? Can you read it in the dark?
  • French Speaking Preschool Assistant Teacher — Sure, you can speak French, but you still don’t get to be the lead teacher. You get to be the assistant. Merci beaucoup!
  • Junior Workout Specialist (Temporary Assignment) — Wow. Junior level and temporary. Sign me up!
  • Line worker — Talk about knowing your audience. This whole ad is in Spanish, and only Spanish. What, I can’t be a line worker? I’ve seen I Love Lucy — how hard can that be?
  • Server (Captain) — Do I get to wear a hat? And a badge or something?
  • Food Server — What, no captain title? Dang.

    Guess I better stick with what I know. Or maybe…. nah.

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    Responses

    1. I had an applicant once that listed my all time favorite;”Chicken gizzard packer.”
      Also liked “drop hammer operator.” He said “HUH?” a lot.

    2. There are jobs out there? That is funny.


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